Hello Internet. Welcome back for Teaser #5. What? Late with a Teaser? Moi? No, you must be thinking of someone else. I was completely on-time with this, and you know it.
Arthur Dent didn’t like Thursdays. Of course, he had never really liked them to begin with, but with his home planet being blown up on a Thursday never really helped him get over his dislike of this particularly otherwise normal part of an arbitrary seven-unit-long cycle which these funny-looking carbon-based life forms seemed to honour. It was possibly the fact that due to some kind of abnormality which was localised specifically to Arthur he constantly experienced a term of bad luck lasting precisely 1440 minutes in a cycle every 518400 seconds. Or (not at all coincidentally) precisely a day after every six.
“Why hello Arthur! You appear to be in need of some refreshment. Please place your hand on the scanner and think clearly about what you wish to drink at this moment, and the Sirius Cybernetics Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser shall serve you an ingestible liquid which will satisfy your nutritional needs while ensuring sufficient satisfaction to your sense of taste, according to your biological template.”
“Please be tea. Please be tea. Ouch! That smarts.”
“We apologise for the excess heat generated by our bodily scanners. It may be uncomfortable to some life forms of low constitution.”
Yet, fortunately Arthur has not been obliterated into little more than space dandruff by a Vogon constructor fleet like the rest of the small earthling’s home. No, our hero has taken to the stars with one of his best friends Ford Prefect, a Betelgeusian who was unfortunately trapped on Earth whilst writing an article about it for the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (alternatively: How to Travel the Galaxy on less than Thirty Altairian Dollars a Day!), an encyclopaedia of all the (useful) knowledge in the galaxy. With Ford by his side, and a list of other friends he meets along the way (Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy and wanted fugitive; Trillian, earthling reporter turned adventuress; and Marvin, a manically depressed walking android), Arthur embarks on an epic journey to save a new earth and finally get a cup of proper English tea.
“This isn’t tea! This is a lukewarm, completely unlike tea nightmare, not what tea should be. I should be more depressed by this, but I’m not.”
“The Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser is tailored to fit the tastes of all organisms based on specific broad templates. Thank you for your time.”
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was published in 1979 by Pan Books. It can be found on Amazon here.
Yours: J.M. Pear